Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
You are shrimply the best!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
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