There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Seas the day!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
You mermaid to go far.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
Go to BabaMail
