I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Go big or go gnome.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
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