How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
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