Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Go to BabaMail
