I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
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