Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
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