What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
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