Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
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