The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
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