What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
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