How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
What did the ghost do at the red light? He came to a dead stop.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
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