How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
I used to be a werewolf but I’m ok noooooooooooow!!
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
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