What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
Why does Bigfoot only leave footprints behind?
Sasquatch doesn't litter in the great outdoors.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
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