How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
What does a monster wear when it rains?
His ghoul-oshes!
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
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