What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
Vein-illa!
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
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