What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
Did you hear about the ghoul who had eight arms?
He was very handy!
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
Who does a witch call for help with computer problems?
Hex Support!
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
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