What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
What do you call the story of a poor witch that just became a millionaire?
Rags to witches story.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
- Witch way to the Halloween party?
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting until the full moon!
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
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