How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
The best place to search for information about witches is wicca-pedia.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
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