How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
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