Football is one habit I will never kick.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
The calm before the score
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Prepare to be bowled over.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
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