I feel tail great!
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
We’ll have a ball.
The calm before the score
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
The huddle is real
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Join us for plenty of play action.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
We’re calling your number.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
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