All punts are highly intended
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
The huddle is real
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Join us for plenty of play action.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
By the seat of one’s punt
Give me some pigskin
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Having a ball
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I like your tight end
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Calm before the score
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Football is one habit I will never kick
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
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