She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
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