Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
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