Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
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