The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
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