Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
The sun is just a big space heater.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
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