Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
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