When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
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