I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
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