What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
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