How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
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