What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
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