If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
The sun is just a big space heater.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
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