What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
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