If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
The sun is just a big space heater.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
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