What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
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