Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
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