A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
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