I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
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