The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
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