My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
The sun is just a big space heater.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
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