Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
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