My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
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