My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
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