My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
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