What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Go to BabaMail
