I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
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