What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
The superconductor left without resistance.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
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