What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
The sun is just a big space heater.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
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