Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
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