I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
The sun is just a big space heater.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Go to BabaMail
