What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
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