What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
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