In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
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