What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
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