What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
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