My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
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