If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
The sun is just a big space heater.
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