Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
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