Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
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