I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
The sun is just a big space heater.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
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