What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
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