Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
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